and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
