i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
