Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
