It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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