No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
