Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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