I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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