$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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