We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
