Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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