Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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