sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
