Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
