stop calling my apartment porn island.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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