ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
