she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
