Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize