its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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