dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
