i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
