lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
