were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
