ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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