First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
