You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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