just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
