i just sent this text using only my big toe
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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