He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
