a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
