I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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