I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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