So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
