I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
