Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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