I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
