Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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