I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
