If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
