He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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