Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
