Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
