When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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