I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
