Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
