I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
