Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
