Moan for me like Helen Keller
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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