I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
