Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
