do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
