I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
