Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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