I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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