before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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