Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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