She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
