There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
