I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
