Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize