Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
