she looked like the before picture.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
