1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
