Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
