the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
