I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
