C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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