Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
